chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
