i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
only you would photoshop your dick
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
