OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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