I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
