Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
