It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
