remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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