my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
