between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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