Cold hands, warm shart.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
