Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
