haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
