nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
