did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
