my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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