I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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