i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
All I want is dick and wine.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
