Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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