do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
