I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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