Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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