guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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