I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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