Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
