I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
