Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
