omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
