Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
