so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
