I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
