Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
