I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
