I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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