Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
