i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My ATM looks so different sober.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
