If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
