So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
