I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
