two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
