She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
