how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
