Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
