HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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