He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
