i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
