Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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