I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
