I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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