Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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