my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
