I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
