I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
