I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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