she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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