I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
