She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
