Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
