he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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